Sometimes I feel frustrated about feeling frustrated. Mostly because its hard to figure out exactly what makes me feel frustrated. Frustration seems like sometimes is comes out of nowhere, and then, you’ve got all these feelings to deal with on top of the situation that made you feel frustrated in the first place.
Recently I wanted to know what causes me to feel frustrated, so that the next time, I could deal with it better. Because I like definitions, I just had to look up frustration. It is: the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something, and also the prevention of the progress, success, or fulfillment of something. Wikipedia says frustration is a common emotional response to opposition.
It seems like frustration comes from two things: 1) a perceived inability to change something and 2) opposition to progress. So, it seemed logical that if I could figure out what it was that I felt I could not change or what I think is preventing my progress, then, I could deal with my emotions and not let the frustration grow into disappointment or anger. I put this idea to the test just a few weeks ago, and it really seemed to help.
One morning I was shivering when I got out of bed, and I thought, “Wow, it must be really cold outside.” It wasn’t. I discovered the furnace was running, but it didn’t seem to be producing hot air. While I was nursing my seven week old little girl, I called my husband, Ron, who was out of town on business. I was also glancing nervously at the clock that was telling me it was about time to take my two middle schoolers to school. Ron told me to go look at the furnace to see if the pilot light was on. It wasn’t. Things pretty much went down hill from there. I began feeling more frustrated and upset as the minutes ticked by. And… I didn’t like that I felt that way.
After a terse conversation with my husband, we piled into the car. On our drive to school, I remembered a conversation I had had with a friend while we were drinking cappuccino. She has two little kids, and as we were talking, I shared with her just how fast children grow up. Though these few years of preschool can be very difficult, and can be a source of frustration on a daily basis, it is also a very special season where we as moms get to play with our kids and influence them in ways that are lost as they grow up. She said that sometimes she just gets so angry at them and yells, which she really hates.
The next time I saw her, she shared with me that she had discovered the source of her frustration. Well meaning people had been telling her to take care of herself, but she took it a little too far and would get angry when the kids interrupted “her time.” So, she thought about our conversation and changed her thinking. She was going to cherish this time with her kids while they were home and stop being selfish with her time. She had discovered the opposition to her progress (her wrong thinking, not her children) and decided to change how she dealt with that initial spark of frustration.
I thought about what she had said as I drove the kids to school. After I dropped them off, I said out loud to the the Lord, “Why am I so frustrated about this furnace thing? And why did I take it out on Ron?” Immediately, I knew the answer. I was unable to change the fact that my husband’s job takes him out of town. I wasn’t really frustrated about the furnace, which by the way was fixed within an hour and a half of coming home from school. I was frustrated about my inability to change a fact in my life. Once I discovered this as the source of my frustration, I was able to pray about it and deal with those emotions.
Being intentional about discovering the real source of the frustration makes life much easier to deal with and lowers stress levels. Though it may be hard to be honest and search my heart for truth, it is so much better than getting emotionally upset, losing control, causing other people distress and having to go back and apologize. And … I don’t have to feel frustrated about feeling frustrated.
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photo(s) courtesy of Stock.XCHNG (http://www.sxc.hu)
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