Anger: Are You Reasonable? (Part 2)

Most of us like to think we are reasonable people. Generally, it is easy to keep a level head…until we get angry. Anger seems to cause reasonableness to scurry out the window. And then, feeling far from rational, we begin making foolish choices in our behavior. The Scriptures instruct us to “Be angry and do not sin.” (1) So, how do we accomplish that feat? I think being reasonable has something to do with it. As I was trying to think of an example about how quickly anger can turn into unreasonableness, I kept remembering the following funny story my pastor told on himself.

“I was really looking forward to it (going to a coffee shop before a wedding for some devotional time). It was a beautiful morning, and as I was walking toward the door of the coffee shop, I noticed this gentleman to my left getting out of the car, about 10-12 years older than me. And he started to walk to the door. I thought to myself, ‘I’m going to speed up a little bit so I can grab the door for him.’ As I sped up, guess what he did? He sped up. And, as we got to the door, he looked away from me, ignored my existence, grabbed the door, went ahead of me, and the door shut in my face.

(Remember,) I hadn’t had any coffee yet!! So, I’m standing (in line), looking at the back of this guy’s head, and I’m seething, trying to decide what I’m going to do to this guy. And, I couldn’t think of anything. Then, I saw his order. He’d brought his own little mug and disappeared. They finally called his coffee and then my coffee. His mug was there when I leaned over to get mine, and I had this thought, ‘Why don’t you spit in his coffee?’ And, I thought for a second, ‘That’s a bad idea.’ (Then,) ‘No, that’s a pretty good idea.’

When you get in these moments, I don’t know about you, but when I get angry, I say, ‘God is somewhere, but He isn’t here, and I’ve got to do something about this situation.’ And, for a moment, I fantasized that I was going to go sit next to him and after he was done his coffee, I was going to look at him and say, ‘How’d you like your coffee?’ (He’d answer) ‘It was really good.’ (I’d say) ‘I just want you to know I spit in it this morning.’ I just want you (the audience) to know, that is what unreasonable looks like. Reasonable says, ‘God is right here. God knew that was getting ready to happen. And, what do You want to teach me, God?'” (2)

When my pastor got to the part about spitting in the guy’s coffee, I remember my jaw dropping open in disbelief. But, then, I laughed along with him and also at myself because I know I’ve had similar impulses, some of which I’ve ignored and sadly, some of which I caved in to. My pastor chose not to let his anger get the best of him. I wonder, how often have I not chosen so well? Feeling annoyed, displeased or even hostile with people is something we have to deal with. One way that might help us not “lose it” is to ask ourselves, “Am I being reasonable in this situation?”

Usually we can gauge our level of anger and reasonableness by two instinctive mechanisms: a thermostat and a “fact checker.” (3) Typically, these characteristics help us from becoming too angry and unreasonable, but only when we pay attention to them.

#1 A Thermostat

   In moments of anger, an internal thermostat clicks on to alert us if our anger is out of control. The story my pastor shared is a perfect example. He had an impulse, but his thermostat kicked in and let him know he was about to respond unreasonably. The thermostat helps us to ask: Is this an appropriate level of anger for this situation?

#2 A Fact Checker

We also have an internal tool that urges us to check out the facts in a situation. If we realize that what made us angry was a mistake, an accident or a circumstance beyond one’s control, we can often just let it go. For instance, if a car hits you and it was the other driver’s fault, it is really easy to get angry as you imagine what caused the accident. If, in fact, the driver was doing something stupid like texting, you would be justified in your anger. However, if you find out his car slid on black ice, you would be able to let it go. The fact checker helps us to ask:  Should I really be this angry once I’ve gotten all the facts?

Our built in safety guards for anger work most of the time, and therefore, we feel like we can trust ourselves to be reasonable in situations that trigger anger. The danger happens when we let our thermostat get too hot and/or we choose to either disregard or not find out the facts. It is at this point that our anger becomes unreasonable and can lead us to sin.

Philippians 4:5 says, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” This implies living in such a way that when your buttons get pushed you are able to maintain your reasonableness. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself if anyone could accuse you of having sound judgment, being sensible or appropriate in that situation.

When a kid spills the proverbial milk, and we find ourselves getting much angrier than the situation dictates, the reasonable person asks, “Should I be THIS angry?” A person with strength of character can then dig a little deeper and figure out if something else happened, i.e. at work or in another relationship, and then discover what he/she is really angry about. It takes a great amount of self-control to refuse to give into bursts of unreasonable behavior and to deal with the real issues.

Sometimes I wonder if we trust our instincts too much when it comes to anger. Just because our thermostat and fact checker quite often keep us from jumping into hot water, doesn’t mean we can always trust ourselves to act reasonably. It is good to be reminded of how easy it is to be tempted and then succumb to the temptation to be unreasonable. Reasonableness is a choice. Choosing it when we are angry could keep us and our loved ones from much heartache.

• Is your reasonableness known to everyone around you especially when they observe you in situations that would make anyone angry?
• Can you think of a time when you ignored either your internal thermostat or fact checker? What could you have done differently?
• Can you think of any other Scripture references or Biblical stories dealing with how a person handled his/her anger without sinning?