The day Leah’s firstborn son, Reuben, brought her dandelions was a joyous day. He was probably just 5 or 6 years old, and as he held up his grubby fist of mandrakes, which were probably nothing more than just dandelions, Leah’s face lit up in a smile. (1) It was the day mothers anticipate and hold in their hearts: the time when a child can express love back to his/her mother.
In contrast, that day only reminded Leah’s sister, Rachel, that her life was as empty as her womb. Even though Rachel was very jealous of her sister, she still asked if she could take just a few flowers back to her room. Maybe Rachel asked because she knew she was destined to live without her own mother moments, but those flowers might be enough for the time being. That simple request was the last straw, and Leah exploded. It was, for sure, an emotionally charged day that could have ended very badly. But instead, their story ended up telling a profound act of reconciliation, and yet, we miss it. (2)
I have to admit, I was pretty surprised at Leah’s response to Rachel’s simple request. You can almost hear Leah screech. “Is it a small matter that you have taken away my husband? Would you take away my son’s dandelions also?” Why was it such a big deal to share a few dandelions with Rachel? After all, Rachel had been gypped of her wedding day and was now cheated out of the children that should have been hers. But Leah didn’t see it that way.
The act of reconciliation comes next, wrapped up in a single word. I guess that is why we miss it. We really should drag out the first word of Rachel’s reply as we read it, “Thhhheeeennnn, he (Jacob) may lie with you tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes (dandelions).” It’s really easy to read right over it because I think some of the other elements of the story trip us up. Things like the mandrakes. What is up with using a word that is so unfamiliar to us we don’t even recognize it? Pages of commentary have been written about what the mysterious mandrakes really were, as if they held the key to this story. Or, what about the exchange that Leah and Rachel make? Leah hands over a few dandelions and Rachel gives Leah her night with Jacob. Kind of weird. Or, how about Leah’s approach to Jacob, “I bought you! You have to be with me tonight!” That’s just a little uncomfortable.
Maybe because we get so caught up in the strange details, we miss the tremendous amount of emotional strength it actually took for Rachel to admit, “In that case, Leah, since it is true that you had no choice about Jacob, but I did, and I essentially took him from you after your wedding night, if you share the joys of motherhood with me, I will share the joys of wifehood with you. We will redo the past and make things right between us.” What stands out to me is that right in the midst of her own painful circumstances, Rachel was able to truly see her sister’s point of view.
Because she realized Leah’s way of seeing their circumstances was just as valid as hers, Rachel was able to grant Leah what was sorely missing in her life in an even exchange. Rachel offered to share Jacob. But, not just that one time. Through her response, Rachel sought a way to redeem the past, create a new beginning and make the future peaceful.
Rachel’s act of redemption, her second chance, involved replaying the events of that fateful wedding night. (3) She willingly gave Leah the night with Jacob because this time, it was hers to give. And that freed Leah to approach her husband in confidence. The essence of what Leah said to Jacob is, “You’ve resented me all these years because I wasn’t Rachel on your wedding day. But now we get a chance to redo the past. With my son’s dandelions, I paid for you, as you paid for Rachel. But, there is no veil this time. No deception. You will get the woman you are expecting this time. Come with me!”
The things that happen as a result of Rachel’s act of redemption are almost unbelievable: 1) Jacob dwelt with Leah. 2) God remembered Rachel and opened her womb. 3) Leah was never again spoken of as being “hated,” i.e. not in the chosen place of covenant. And, 4) Rachel was never again charged with being jealous.
“Being a hero doesn’t mean never getting in a fight. It means having the strength to get out of one when you’re in it.” (4) It takes intentional emotional strength to give someone else the benefit of the doubt and to judge that person fairly. (5) I have to be honest, if it had been me, I would’ve taken Leah’s words as fighting words and responded with something like, “What? Are you seriously kidding me? Me take your husband? What about what happened on my wedding night? You are so selfish. You took my husband; you took my right to have children, and now, you won’t even share some of the stupid flowers he picked for you. You know what? Just forget it!” But, this is not what Rachel did.
Without even having the luxury of time to think things over, Rachel was somehow in that moment able to judge Leah fairly. And she did so right smack dab in the middle of an argument with some pretty raw emotions bubbling just beneath the surface. She chose to give Leah the benefit of the doubt, really hear her heart and not get defensive or angry. Rachel chose to acknowledge that although she had a perspective, her sister did also.
Wow.
Like the amazing end of their story, I wonder what outcomes God might have in store for us. What would happen if we were able to offer the benefit of the doubt and judge our families, friends and even opposers with fairness? In the midst of conflict, could we start asking: “What does this situation look like from his/her point of view?” and “Do I really have the only perspective?”
Why can’t we have an attitude of assuming the best instead of the worst? Why not try to imagine valid, positive reasons a person is doing something or feeling a certain way? I suppose because it is counter-intuitive to the way we naturally think. But, that is what our faith is all about, isn’t it?
For Reflection
• Have you ever been judged unfairly? What were some of the consequences to that relationship?
• Do you have someone in your life that you need to give the benefit of the doubt to? What might be the outcome of seeing his/her perspective?
• I heard of a little game you can play that helps retrain your brain to judge fairly and give the benefit of the doubt. When you observe someone doing something, try to come up with a reason he/she might be justified in doing it. For example, if you see someone taking something, instead of assuming he/she is stealing, you might think, “The boss told him to take that home as a prize for winning a contest.” The trick is to remember there is always another side to the story.
1. Because the Scriptures don’t define what the mandrakes were and only uses this word this one time, we need to assume they weren’t that important. The key to the story wasn’t in the mandrakes at all but in what Rachel did because of them.
4. This quote is from the Rabbi I originally learned this story from. It can be found at: https://www.alephbeta.org/course/lecture/tisha-bav-2015
5. See Leviticus 19:15. “In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor” is also translated as “Judge your neighbor fairly.” Judging in righteousness, or fairly, is interpreted to mean giving the benefit of the doubt to someone else.
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